A Time to Remember
by OTH-FOQ
Summary: Mary and Tom have a conversation. Set in Season 4.


_**Hi everyone! Very first story for Downton Abbey but I am not new to fanfiction. I'd like you to tell me what you think of this one, which is set somewhere in season 4, I suppose. I am not sure about the time frame.**_

_**Also, dear UK readers, forgive me if there's any Americanism in this; I am French and the English I've been learning tends to be more American than British.**_

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"I still see his eyes, whenever I close mine."

Her soft voice surprised him. He didn't expect her to talk at all. They had been sitting in silence for the past twenty minutes, near the window, watching the nanny walk with Sybil and George.

Tom studied Mary's profile silently. She didn't seem to really see anything. Her gaze was wandering, vague, lost. Almost a year after Matthew's death she still sometimes reverted back to the state she'd been in right after they had learnt the tragic news. The young man shifted his focus back on his daughter outside.

"I still see her smile," he answered just as softly. "I just… I can picture it in my mind as if it were merely hours since I'd last seen it."

Mary turned to look at him. There was something in her eyes now, a sparkle. It was not pity, Tom knew. They did not pity each other.

"She was happy. It was so obvious, and I felt so jealous of what the two of you had."

"But then Matthew and you found each other."

"We did."

They had never really spoken so overtly of their feelings. But it seemed long overdue. Tom did not quite understand why they had not done it sooner. Perhaps it was only now that Mary felt at ease enough to confide in him. There had been a moment in the nursery with Mrs. Crawley where they had evoked love and the sensations it brings, but that was it.

"She is beautiful. Your daughter," she added as he looked confused for a second. "She reminds me so much of my sister."

"She does have her looks, which is a wonderful thing. But that means I'll probably have to fight off her many suitors."

Mary smiled; something that was still too rare.

"I'll give her some advice if you want," she teased.

She was fully aware that Tom knew of her sulfurous past with men.

"Why thank you lady Mary, but I think I'll manage quite well," he answered with a smile of his own.

Her expression grew serious once more.

"Tom, I do hope you know that I consider you a part of this family."

"I know that."

"But above all, I consider you my friend, and my ally."

He was rendered speechless for a moment, but quickly recovered.

"That means a lot to me that you acknowledge it and I am sure that you know you can rely on me as well, Mary."

"Sybil would be so happy that we are friends."

"She certainly would. Can I ask you one question?"

"Of course."

"If she… If they were still alive, do you think we would have turned out differently, you and me? Would we still have been friends?"

Mary seemed to really ponder over his words for a minute before she answered.

"Truthfully, I don't know. Would you and Sybil have stayed at Downton or would you have gone elsewhere? You were friends with Matthew so I believe that we would have become friends as well."

They looked outside the window once more. The sky was bluer than Mary ever remembered it to be. But she didn't remember much of her life before Matthew. Somehow he still occupied her every thought. She wondered if it was the same for Tom.

"Do you still think about her often?"

The words were out of her mouth before she could help herself. When she felt him hesitate, she shifted her gaze back on his face.

"I don't know if I should think about her so much, but even two years after her… I can't _not_ think about her. She's still here, in my mind, all the time. Sybil was the love of my life, you know."

"I know," Mary almost whispered.

"I can never forget her. I don't ever want to."

"Sometimes, when I manage to put Matthew in the back of my mind and enjoy life, the despair when it all comes back to me is even worse."

"I understand. It does the same to me."

The sound of laughter drew their attention back to what was happening outside. Little Sybil was running around on her toddler legs and appeared to be chasing something that Mary and Tom could only guess was a butterfly.

"I should go," Tom said as he got up.

Mary remained seated. He waited for a few seconds to see if she had anything else to say but was met with only silence. He let his eyes settle on her and realized that she was once again lost in her memory, her look vague. He stepped closer and put his hand on her shoulder.

"You can't keep blaming yourself, Mary. Matthew would want you to be happy. He would want you to live your life, just like Sybil would want me to live mine. Don't be a prisoner of your own memory."

"Thank you, Tom. I'll see you at dinner."

He took that as his cue to leave and slowly walked out of the room, closing the door softly behind him. He wished time would help them heal.

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**_This is a one-shot, it will not have a sequel. _**

**_Drop a review below to let me know if you liked it or not, and most importantly, why._**

**_Thanks!_**

**_OTH-FOQ_**


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